Here it comes. The chill in the air, the tension, the slight rumbling of thunder. It can only mean one thing – the sociopath has come out from behind the mask of a seemingly normal man. Not every woman is cut out for this. In fact, I feel as if I’m the only one strong enough to endure it. Most people would up and run, fleeing from the outrageously mean person he becomes. Me? I feel for him. I understand that he can’t control it. It takes hold and won’t let go. But, oh, how he tries to suppress it. He doesn’t like it, he hates who he becomes, so he tries to fight it off. He almost always loses that battle.
I was made for this. What I endured growing up and things I’ve experienced have built me up, made me the strong woman I am today. He is not physically abusive. He would NEVER physically harm me in any way. That battle, he does win. Always. He is a retired professional boxer. He knows, very well, how to control himself in that area. It’s the emotional side that needs work. Some may say that, while he is not physically abusive, he is emotionally abusive. I don’t look at it that way. His words are merely words, and they don’t hurt me. Maybe it’s because I know he doesn’t mean it? Maybe it’s because as a child who was emotionally neglected my heart has hardened to rude words? I don’t know. What I do know is he talks to me about his “condition.” He wants me to understand. He wants to understand it better himself. He knows what he needs to work on, and he’s doing it. But, until he can suppress it and always win the fight, the storm rages on.